


Mr. Star's Kindergarten

by Anonymous



Category: arcane academy - Fandom
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:20:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29780880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: so basically mr star is a kindergarten teacher at arcane pre-k and I'm forced to write uwulish.. its so cringe sorry in advancespecial thanks to everyone for helping me with the storyline, they gave direction while I was writing and it was a lot of fun, so I tried to fit all their ideas in here.lastly: uwu
Kudos: 1
Collections: The Librarian's Secret Shelves





	Mr. Star's Kindergarten

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [Arcane_Academy](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Arcane_Academy) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Aged down arcane academy characters, but it has to include Suoh and Carolin!

Mr. Star started the day with a cup of tea in his hand and a pep in his step. Being a kindergarten teacher wasn’t easy, because kids weren’t the kind to follow instructions easily. 

After preparing the lesson for today and making sure the classroom was in tiptop shape, Mr. Star heard the car horns coming from the entrance. Mr. Star swept up to the door and opened it to the parents arriving with their kids in tow. “Howdy!”

It was Carolin! She was holding onto her aunt’s hand. Mr. Star was concerned, because she was a very quiet kid. She never misbehaved, always acting in an orderly manner and never coming out of her shell to talk with others. What was so strange was that Mr. Star didn’t like that! It wasn’t healthy for a kid to be so secluded. He wanted to help her make friends somehow.

Carolin’s aunt gave her a hug and then bustled out the door, “Carolin, sweetheart, be good okay?” 

“I will,” Carolin said more or less calmly, but it was obvious she was tired and would rather be at home in bed right now.    
  
“Hey there, kid! Ready to have a wonderful day at Arcane Pre-k?” Mr. Star greeted, somehow energetic despite the early hour.

Carolin nodded.

Shortly after Carolin came Suoh. But unlike Carolin, Suoh walked in on his own, having a thin little backpack that probably only had a thermal can filled with cold noodles in it. Mr. Star knew that Suoh didn’t have a “family” in the traditional sense, and his clothes were often riddled in holes. Mr. Star was very worried about the kid.

Suoh greeted Mr. Star with a high-five. “Yo Mr. Star!”

“What’s happenin’ all-star!” Mr. Star returned the high-five, laughing happily along with his favorite student.

“I caught a slowpoke pokemon! I like it ‘cause it’s a monkey like me. But Ass said that it was gay because it’s pink so I had to put sand in his ears.”

“That’s unusual!” Mr. Star laughed. “And remember, we don’t use the no-no words in the classroom!”

After Suoh told him all about his adventures he put his backpack away.

Suoh and Carolin were the only ones that had made it to the classroom early, imagine that! Carolin quietly made her way over to the mini tea set. It had cute blue plastic cups and stuffed animals sitting at the quaint wittle table. While Carolin had a tea party, Suoh made his way over to a lego set and loudly crashed the lego building that had been left up from the previous day. The whole classroom was overflowing with splashes of color, looking like a scene straight out of splatoon. Mr. Star had gadgets and gizmos aplenty; toy cars, Thomas the train toys on wooden tracks, and colorful building blocks.

Suoh wasn’t at all shy like Carolin so he eventually walked up to her and asked if she wanted to play with him. “Waddup Linny Bear, wanna add lego sugar cubes to your tea or something?”

She shook her head. “Nwo…”

Suoh shrugged. “Okay then…”

Then Desta, Wechuge, Cordelia, Alex, Dark, Li, Eli, Casey, F, and Wintigo rushed in about five minutes late. Mr. Star just had to sigh when that happened. The Star was a man of punctuality, he couldn’t understand how time got away from everyone else so easily. Welp, it didn’t matter! They were here now and it was Mr. Star’s favorite part of the day: class time!

Class started with everyone sitting on the rug in front of the whiteboard. “Okay we have a morning riddle on the board as always. Can anyone answer ‘I am the beginning of everything, the end of everywhere. I’m the beginning of eternity, the end of time & space. What am I?’”

Wechuge raised his hand and shouted, “Dweath!” 

Mr. Star’s startlement was almost comical. “A-actually the answer is… e… but y’know what, that’s pretty original, I gotta hand it to ya!” The Star continued the morning routine with a smile, every kid around him either listening aptly, or blowing bubbles out of their noses as they snored, except...

“Gwimmie the twain or else I’ll stwab you!” Alex said to Eli, who was stuffing his mouth full of playdough while playing with the trains. That became a tussle.

“Now, now kids! Calm down. We’re singing the ABCs remember! Eli stop eating the playdough!” Privately, Mr. Star was beginning to think his kids had lost their marbles. Why were they talking like that?

The kids began to sing as they had been directed, “Awe Bwee Cwee Dwee..” 

Mr. Star frantically cut off the ABC music, making the record scratch. “Hold up, hold up…” The Star rubbed his shiny temple with a gloved finger, the surface emitting a squeaking sound. “One sec kids, I have to make a call, really quickly, I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere! Suoh, you’re in charge!”

Mr. Star skedaddled to the corner and made a call on the office phone. “Ms. Tozu, I think all my kids’ have come down with a bad case of uwulish!!”

Behind Mr. Star, Casey was shoving Suoh in the kitchen playset oven. The class had spiraled into chaos in a matter of seconds. Eli was eating the playdough and smearing it into everyone’s hair. Alex had gotten ahold of a plastic kitchen knife, shredding an entire dollhouse family with it while F made monstrosities with the leftover doll parts. Wintigo was chasing after and biting a screaming Wechuge.

But in the ocean of chaos there was an island, that island was the tea party set. Carolin calmly attended to her stuffed animal guests in her bubble of peacefulness. “Muffin, awe youw enjouying youw twea?” Carolin turned to where Muffin was supposed to be and jumped.

Seated in Muffin’s chair was Cordelia. She lifted the teacup to her lips and set it down in its saucer, her lips pursed. “Am I not who you expected? That cannot be… I simply must have received an invitation. Don’t you think so?”

“Y-yes…”

“Anywho, what tea is this?”

A baby Dark made his way over to Mr. Star, who was still locked in conversation, pacing the floor with erratic hand movements. “Well, I told them that! I think some kids are immune, some aren’t.”

“Miter staw, F is twying to offer me deir hawt again.” 

“Not now, kiddo,” Mr. Star hadn’t even heard him, turning in the other direction.

Behind him, F toddled over to Dark with their heart cradled in their arms like a baby. Dark looked annoyed, fending them off. “Why awe yoo bovering me?"

Without his playmate, F, Alex had gotten bored of stabbing the dolls and went after Eli again. “Where’s the twain, barney head.”

Eli was softening some playdough into paste with his spit and trying to rub it into Desta’s hair. “Howld still!”

“I, Desta Chandra Loreto, owdew youw to weave me and my wats awone!” Desta quite literally slinked away with an armful of rats.

“Wait! I’ll dwye yuwr wats too!” Eli turned around to see Alex. “Yoor uguli.”

“I see youw twying to erase the white hairs!” Alex held up his plastic knife and chased Eli, who immediately ran in the direction of Mr. Star with a long wail.

Eli frantically tugged on Mr. Star’s pantsleg. “Mr stwar! They won’t let me dwye their hwair! And Awex keeps twying to stwab me!”

“That’s exactly why, I- sorry, one moment.” Mr. Star briefly looked down at Eli, not having heard a word he said and only seeing Eli’s grubby hands. “Eli, your hands are in such a state!” He knelt down and began wiping Eli’s hands and face, while balancing the phone on his shoulder to his ear. “That’s why I said that I would-”

While Eli was getting favorable treatment, Alex changed his target to Desta. “We’re both white hairs, let’s be fwends.”

“Let me ask my wats… they said no.”

Alex raised his plastic knife again.

Distant screaming filled the room as Carolin and Cordelia sat in awkward silence… or at least, it was awkward for Carolin. “Carolin, be a dear and pass me the cream.”

Carolin turned to pick up the cream and set it near Cordelia. She quietly looked back down at her own cup just as an eyeball rose in the tea, disgustingly bobbing in the water. The scream that followed immediately afterwards sank the island in the ocean of chaos and popped the bubble of peacefulness. As Carolin ran away crying, Cordelia quietly smirked into her tea.

In the background, Suoh and Casey were waging war. They had built defensive walls with legos and had somehow gotten their hands on some nerf guns. “Surrender and I won’t snitch to Mr. Star!” Suoh fired the darts and then ducked under cover.

“If I’m getting in trwuble anyway, I’m bringing yoo down with me!” Casey got shot in the shoulder, wrapping a blankie over the wound and crawling to get more ammo, acting as if he was in a real warzone.

“MR STWAR ALEX KWEEPS TAKING MY WATS”

Mr. Star briefly put his hand over the receiver. “Not now, Desta.” He shooed him away in the nicest way possible. He picked up a notepad and pen while muttering to the other side of the line, “What was that again?”

On the other side of the classroom, things had come to a head, with Dark standing behind Li, his arms crossed, and F giving them both a puppy-eyed look. “Leave Dark alone or I’ll flush your kneecaps down the toilet.” Li said, staring F down.

“IF YOUW BITE ME AGWAIN I’LL RIP JAXIE IN HALF!” Wechuge was pushing Wintigo off, holding a beat up doll just out of her reach.

Wintigo laughed. “If youw do that, I’ll tell Minji about yuwr crush. Gwimmie Jaxie. Now.”

Wechuge blushed a hot red and threw the doll, running. And so the chase resumed.

Meanwhile, Cordelia gracefully made her way over to Mr. Star. “I'm of a higher intellect than these infants. allow me to show you my twelve reasons on why I should sit with you.” The list she handed to him was numbered one through twelve, but simply listed the names of the students in Star’s class.

Mr. Star was wrapping up the call. He looked down at the list in befuddlement. “That won’t be necessary, Cordelia! I’m just about done here- HOLY MOLY-” He had only been on call for five minutes and the class already looked tossed. That’s when Li ran past his peripherals, holding something.

“What’s that?

“A knife!”

_ “No!” _

“OKAY, OKAY! It’s lunch time. All of you line by the door and we’ll go to the cafeteria.” Mr. Star was relieved to cut that chaos short.

At the cafeteria, all the kids got their lunch boxes and sat down with Mr. Star at the head of the table. This time he wouldn’t make the mistake of turning his eyes away from them even for a picosecond.

Casey sat at the table with his arms crossed, sans lunch box, coolly not looking at everyone else’s pitiful scraps. Through the cafeteria window, a limousine rolled into view and a fancy butler stepped out with a covered tray. The butler made his way into the cafeteria and set the tray down in front of Casey. “Twanks, old man.” 

Mr. Star sighed, sipping his cup of tea. Aw shit here we go again...

Suoh took out his cold noodles and looked up at Mr. Star. “Can I get this microwaved?” 

“Who needs microwaves? I certainly don’t!” Mr. Star used a mini star to heat up the noodles.

“Awe those… gourmet nuggies?” Eli looked at the buffet presented to Casey with disbelieving eyes.

Li didn’t have a lunch box either, but she didn’t get to have a butler serve her food. 

“Li, aren’t you going to eat?” Mr. Star inquired.

“No thanks.” She leaned her face into the palm of her hand and refused to look at anyone.

Others had no such reservations, Alex was openly begging, “Can someone share food? Pwease I’m starving and in return Ill gib yoo my friendship” Alex had no lunchbox either.

F slid over a dead roach, with a face that looked like they were genuinely trying to help.

Casey was chowing down on his gourmet food. “Ha! Yoo all wook pathetic!”

“At least my mom actwally made my food.” Wechuge stood up and slammed his hands on the table, making everyone’s lunch jump in the air.

“Be careful what you say…not everyone at this table has a mom.” Interrupted Cordelia’s soft, whispering voice.

A cold wind blew over the table at that.

“My mom is just too busy…” Casey grumbled.

Mr. Star raised his hands, placatingly. “Hey now, kids. Let’s focus on what we do have. I’ll buy everyone a happy meal and... How about I get everyone some drinks too? What do ya want?”

Dark piped up. “Weed twea! Mr stwar cawolin won’t make the weed twea!” 

"Yuwr so dum" Carolin showed the first signs of irritation, turning her head away from him with a little “hmph!”

Underneath the table, Desta was feeding the rats his lunch.

Mr. Star stood up with a chuckle and nearly bumped into the child standing ominously behind him. “MR Stwar give the cwoke or I’ll fweeze your intwernal orgwans!” She looked like she could win a part in a horror movie.

“WOAH! You scared me there, Wintigo, uh, sure thing!” Mr. Star laughed it off and hastened to the exit. He used his lightspeed to get to and from Mcdonalds in a jiffy.

In the short duration he was gone, Desta emerged from under the table. “I, Desta Chandra Loreto, offer you an orwange fwuit by the foot, for those skwittles.”

Eli eagerly shoved the skittles Desta’s way. “Yes yes yes, hwand em over. What other cwandy do youw got?”

Desta nabbed the skittles. “My wat rations are beyond yoor understwanding, mowrtals.”

The entire table shared a psychic connection. “Shake ‘im.”

The kids ran after Desta and through trial and error, caught him and shook him, making jolly ranchers, tootsie rolls, airheads, star bursts, gummy bears, Smarties, milky ways, dum-dums, musketeers, reeses, kitkats, m&ms, hersheys, and peppermints fall out of his pockets like he was a pinata, before he managed to slip away again. “Unhwand me mowrtals!”

“Look who’s back~!” Mr. Star returned with an armful of happy meals and drinks to see the kids gorging on a pile of candy. “My stars… I sure hope we can get over the sugar rush before recess is over…” Mr. Star was dreading what would become of the playground.

The Star marched the kids outside under the blue sky and let them loose. 

Li began cartwheeling from lawn to lawn. Desta began putting acorn helmets on each and every one of his rats and then tried to catapult them using the swings. Wechuge was pretending to be dead on the slide. Cordelia had pronounced recess as childish and retreated indoors to take a nap. Alex was digging a hole large enough to bury a body in. Dark was reading a picture book about plants vs. zombies under a tree. Casey was digging for treasure in the sandbox. Eli was licking the grass.

Suoh had made it to the top of the monkey bars. “I’m king of the jungle gym!”

“Ho?” Wintigo approaches the top, one hand on the bar to lift her up. “Yuwr about to be dethrowned by a qwueen.”

“Sorry only cool kids are allowed on the monkey bars.” Suoh said flatly, kicking her off. She fell like mufasa. “Long live the king!”

Carolin was at the bottom of the jungle gym along with the woodchips. She went over to Wintigo who landed on her back. “Awe you okay?”

“Eh, she’ll be fine.” Suoh said, and she was. Mostly. “You want to come up to the top of the jungle gym?”

“It wooks really high…”   
  


“It’s okay, I won't let you fall. Hold my hand,” Suoh held his hand down for her.

And Carolin took it and Suoh kept his word.

Mr. Star was watching this all unfold with a relieved sigh. The day was only halfway finished, and yet there had been so many ordeals… That’s how he liked it! 

He heard someone approach from behind him and didn’t turn, knowing exactly who it was just by the clinical aura she produced. “They’re awfully energetic.”

“Wonderful, isn’t it?”

“I suppose.” Levia watched the ruckus play out in front of her, then swept a few strands of her dark bangs behind her ear. “I brought the medicine for uwulish. You’re lucky it didn’t get worse than this.” She held up her med kit.

“Lucky is my middle name~!”

“Is that true?”

“Nope~!”

And they all lived happily ever after, the end.

(Another lazy ending by me)


End file.
